12 Baskets Full

A Couple’s Basket February 2021

The other day my pastor’s wife shared her kidney translate journey at age 19 with us.  Thinking about her three grown-up sons, I realized just how big her miracle really is. It reminded me of another transplant I read about some time ago.

Randy Curlee and Victoria Ingram, both from California, became engaged in February 1994.  A short time later, Randy was diagnosed with severe kidney failure. He had suffered from diabetes since age twelve and now, at age forty-six, his kidneys were ruined.

Randy took Victoria to hear what the doctor was saying, and better understand how his condition would affect their future.  While a kidney transplant was the obvious answer, none of Randy’s family matched his profile well.

That’s when Victoria asked to be tested.  To everybody’s surprise, their immune systems were an identical match.  One month after becoming man and wife, in a five-and-a-half-hour operation, Victoria gave Randy, her left kidney.  It was believed to be the first organ swap between husband and wife in the United States.[1]

Randy and Victoria’s marriage literally depended on her sacrifice for its survival. In a sense, so does every marriage!  If we want our marriages to survive, even thrive, we need to focus on what we can give our partners more than what we can get from them.


Let’s Get Practical

In our first post of this month, we put 28 date ideas into your basket.  This week we are going to teach you five new languages, coined by dr. Gary Chapman, the five love languages. While I am sure most of you are familiar with them, I know that we become lax in speaking them, especially if they are ones that do not come naturally to us – as often is the case.   Identifying and learning to speak our spouse’s primary emotional love language,[2]is often the key to a long-lasting and loving marriage.

  1. Words of Affirmation: Encouraging words, kind words, humble words together with a variety of dialects, like expressing appreciation and complimenting, all help to express love.
  2. Quality Time: Togetherness and quality conversations (making eye contact, listening well, and not interrupting) are important skills to hone. The 28 date ideas of the first week may proof to be very helpful here.
  3. Receiving Gifts: Gifts are visual symbols of love and powerfully communicates, “She was thinking of me” or “She remembered me.” It is almost certain that if this is a primary love language, it will matter little if the gift was purchased, found or made.  Yet, in this case, we must understand that in a time of crises, your physical presence will be the most powerful gift you can give your spouse.
  4. Acts of Service: This language can best be described as doing something that you know your husband or wife would appreciate, like feeding the dogs, buying electricity or taking out the trash. When this is a primary love language, it is important to note that the acts done spontaneously (without asking) will be most powerful in communicating love.
  5. Physical Touch: Emotionally people whose primary love language is physical touch yearn for their spouse to reach out and touch them physically. Sexual intercourse is only one dialect of the language, with hugging, kissing, holding hands, sitting side by side, rubbing his back or feet will all communicate that you love and prefer him.

As we focus on our significant other and on what we can give rather than we can get, we will quickly notice a change for the better.  A tenderness will enter your relationship and your efforts will be appreciated and rewarded.  Let’s go and love well!





[2]For free on-line couple or group studies and discussion groups, please visit: http://www.fivelovelanguages.com


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