I Make Lists

Thea Castles, bookworm and nearly fifty-year-old mother of two daughters has been married to Victor for the past 14 years. Four years ago, the Lord led them to a farm outside the quaint little town of Friemersheim. Here she discovered silence, not just in her environment but also spiritually, as God taught her afresh how to depend on Him.  In 2022, three years into her journey of silence,  she was introduced to Ethnos Movement International, a missions organization.  Currently, she is full-time working in their communications department, helping to spread the good news of Jesus Christ to the ends of the earth. Today she is talking to us about making lists.

I MAKE LISTS. 

No.  I am a serial list maker.  I make lists on little pieces of paper that I put on my desk and stick to the walls in my office. I have apps on my phone that can hold lists, accessible from any device, anywhere in the world. In fact, I have a diary full of lists.  I make lists of topics that I need to discuss with friends and colleagues when we meet in case I forget something important. I have lists of things that need to be done now, in the next week, and within the next few months.

What are on these lists, you may wonder?  Everything.  From the ironing that needs to be done to my weekly groceries,  backups that need to be made, books that need to be searched for and read, to the 40-hour course that I want to do online.

I have gone so far as to give some of these lists names.  The short-term “today” list, the relatively urgent “to-do” list, and the long-term “ta-da” list because I am going to need a fairy godmother to get the things on that list done.

Why do I make lists?  To keep up? To keep control? To be productive? For the utter satisfaction of marking things on the lists as completed?  Maybe I do it as a form of motivation.  Maybe I just enjoy it.  Maybe it is rooted in some or other deep emotional issue, fear, fear of rejection, fear of man, fear of not leaving a legacy?

For the past two years, I have not had a formal paying job.  Don’t get me wrong; it is not as if I did not want or need a job.  I applied and went for interviews, and even though I have some decent qualifications, I was unsuccessful.  I became desperate, willing to do anything to have purpose again.  That is where the lists got out of control, trying to proof to myself that I can still do things. I can be productive. I can be an asset to the people around me. 

I had long conversations with the Lord about this. I cried at His feet.  And then, when I reached rock bottom, the Lord stepped in.  The truth is – all the lists in the world could not have prepared me for what He had in store for me. In that same week, a friend invited me to attend a two-month discipleship training. Although I was initially reluctant to go, the Lord was very clear in his confirmation. During my last week of training, I was approached to join the Ethnos team and become actively involved in expanding the Kingdom of God. Here was an opportunity that would engage all my skills and experience. Even the Sign Language Course that I took for fun during my Honours degree would be utilized!  The detail and precision of our God still blow my mind. How loving and kind and mindful and almighty.

It is my prayer that this testimony will encourage you today. When you feel down and out, worthless and overcome with fear, KNOW that Our Lord and Saviour sees you, hears you, and loves you. YOU ARE ENOUGH, no matter where you are and how you feel.

I still make lists.  I will always make lists, but my lists are no longer filled with fear and anxiety.  Listen, if my God can use my imperfections and flaws to serve His Kingdom, then He can use yours. Trust me. His is an AMAZING GRACE.