This is How I Pause: I Connect with God when I write Music
Lorenzo has seen himself as a musician for more than a third of his life; having self-studied piano, taking percussion lessons and picking up the guitar. Every season of his life is characterized by a song, an album, a verse or a chorus. He listens to a wide variety of music ranging from Jazz to metal and from classical to CCM (contemporary Christian music). Music has opened incredible doors for Lorenzo to explore, namely, a couple gigs at smaller club and pub-like venues, all the way to Grand West Arena (TWICE!)- but his favourite place to share in music has always been in front of a congregation on a Sunday morning. For the last 9 years Lorenzo has been a musician, and at least 8 of those have been in front of a congregation leading worship. Today he shares with us how he connects with God through music.
THIS IS HOW I PAUSE – I CONNECT WITH GOD WHEN I WRITE MUSIC
I’ve never really considered myself a Christian-musician; I’ve always seen myself swinging from either a Christian that happened to play music, to a musician that happened to be madly in love with Jesus. I think we all do that sometimes – separate our earthly roles and responsibilities from our faith …
I’ve spent many hours being the latter – specifically when I was in high school. I’ve found myself racing from venue to venue, to either play a show by myself or to play with or for a band as a guitarist or a drummer – and these would often be frantic and manic times in my life. As a serial-procrastinator, I’d find that I would leave rehearsal, head to the venue, get dressed, warm up, get on stage, sound-check, play the gig, get off stage, pack up and head home as quickly as I could to either rehearse, study or sleep … The very next day, I would head to school wishing the time away so that I could repeat it all … (needless to say, academics was not where I achieved.)
When I was in matric, I experienced two major crises, namely the deaths of my best-friend and my dad. I took some time off from school and I spent that time trying to process it all … I spent hours crying all over my acoustic guitar as I felt my sense of security vanish. Although my dad and I didn’t have a great relationship, I found myself mourning all the possible moments of reconciliation that we could have had. Ironically, the two parts of my life that my dad supported the least became the foundation for the rest of my life; God and music became the main pillars upon which I built my identity.
Toward the end of matric, I felt called to go into the ministry – and at that time, I felt specifically called to become a fully ordained minister in the Methodist church. That year I applied to Stellenbosch and found myself studying my undergrad in theology, all the while, carrying a pocket full of songs. As I was trialled and tested, and my faith and theology were proofed through those three years, I found myself becoming more confident in asking a variety of deep questions, and one question stuck – If I can’t feel God right now, does that mean that God isn’t here?
The answer to that was a gentle no. God was always around me and with me, and in the seasons where I couldn’t feel God through quiet time and bible study; I learned to find God in listening to and writing music. My moments with my guitar began to substitute for prayer when the words wouldn’t come out. Suddenly I found myself writing chord progressions as questions, and I’d often leave them open-ended; like a prayer that was waiting to be answered. Then I would go walking or skating, with my earphones in my ears, and I would hit shuffle on a playlist and God used other people’s songs to respond. This became our way of speaking to one another, and before long, I learned that I don’t even need to write songs specifically about God, but rather, like a child sharing their thoughts out loud, I could tell God and anyone else that might hear my songs, what I was thinking and feeling, and God would simply give me a knowing glance and reply softly and sweetly through analogies that rode in on melodies.
Over-time I learnt to get back into the habit of quiet time and bible study, but writing music has, and probably will always be the way that I pause and connect with God. As Paul instructed the people of Ephesus, I sing and make music from my heart to God – whether my heart is glad, troubled, confused, turbulent, at peace, in love, broken or whole … Every emotion and feeling, I take to God in an honest out-pouring because I trust his careful craftsmanship of my heart, and I believe He invites me to bring it back to Him through song, whenever I think it needs mending.
